What can Brown do for you?

I have just started to realize exactly how naive I still am. I experienced a majorly deflated ego for the first time in the last few days. Sure, I had been knocked down a couple pegs by grades or fights with friends or even just by my mother. Never before had I felt this badly over a break-up. Not that we were even really in a relationship! Which, you know, just makes it that much worse that I'm taking it to heart like this.

I think maybe the worst part about this whole thing is that it wasn't really he who broke it off with me. It was a lot more mutual than that. In fact, I could even say I might have been the one to start losing interest first. The thing is, just because you don't really like someone anymore, doesn't mean it won't hurt when they move on so quickly. It makes you really question yourself. "Are other girls really that much better than me?" and "Am I really that easy to just forget?" None of these are questions a person should ever have to ask themselves. Too bad reality has a mind of its own.

But then, I think I'm also being quite unfair to myself by having these thoughts. I'm a rational enough person to know and understand that things like this happen. People grow apart and sometimes, they find someone else very very soon. It doesn't mean there was or is anything wrong with me per say. Just that we weren't compatible. But really. Try making my heart understand that. Try making it not hurt just a little every time I think about it. Human emotions are the craziest things ever, I swear.

Somehow though... All of this made me seek solace in reading blogs... And I started reading a particular blog of a woman who sews. And really, it wasn't that different of a blog. It had a cute template, some funny stories. What it was mainly about was showing to the world all the things she had been creating over the last few years. And that kind of struck home with me. It made me think back to those days when I was just a wee bitty fifth grader, and how much I wanted to learn how to sew.

Sadly, mom doesn't know a thing about sewing, except for how to mend rips and attach buttons. So, that little interest just kind of went down the drain. But reading this blog... Seeing all the amazing things that were done on it, and how cute everything was... Well, it made me think that maybe just because I wasn't able to learn something when I was little, doesn't mean I can't try to do it now. Will I actually learn how to sew? Who knows. But what I do know is this...

It made me decide that I wasn't going to let myself shove my desires and interests to the side and onto the back burner anymore. If I want to learn or experience something new, I'm going to go for it. Because if I don't, I'm truly going to regret it later on in life.

And all of that, I think is kind of helping me through what I think I'd like to consider my first real break up (because this was one in which I was very much emotionally tied up in, even if I would pretend I wasn't at times). Because the thing is, I don't regret anything I've done. I don't think anything that happened these past few months was a mistake. And yeah, I'll be smarting over it for a while longer. But hey... It's only natural.