Summer Skin

What was that thing I was going to do this summer? Oh, that's right. Keep a blog. More like JUST KIDDING! I'm so tired of always making plans to do stuff like this.

"I will write a blog post every week."
"I will eat healthier food."
"I will go to the gym ever single weekday."

Yeah, right. Like any of that stuff actually happens. Well, to be honest, the eating healthy thing has been going pretty well recently. And it is a personal goal to partake in the preparation and consumption of many a fruit and vegetable next year at school. There is no way I want to fall back into the MSG and carb ridden rut I ended up stuck in at the end of Freshmen year. No freakin way. In any case, the point is that I've officially decided to give up making stupid plans like these. It's time to embrace the rolling waves of destiny and ride them into the unknown abyss. Or at least until I'm too fat to fit into my new dresses and depressed enough to barricade my pitying self into my room with no form of communication save this very blog. But by the time that point arrives, I'll likely have offed myself anyhow. At least I hope so.

On a brighter note, I actually have unwittingly managed to get done so far mostly all of what I had written about a month and a half ago towards the beginning of summer. Here's a handy dandy breakdown:

1. Get a Job - I can happily say that this has been achieved in glorious style. Not only did I totally rock that interview and beat out all the other eager eyed teenage candidates, I have also managed to make enough money to buy myself approximately 500000000 new dresses, an exponsive new computer, and pocket some extra cash for the long and treacherous journey ahead. Oh, and of course, learned lots of important life lessons on the ins and outs of a research and development department as well as developing people skills that will help me succeed later in life and yadda yadda yadda. Kidding. That's necessary and highly useful too =)
2. Learn to Cook - Ok, so this hasn't gone exactly according to plan. I had planned on being able to cook like a pro at this point in the game. Not quite! But those bases are totally being rounded. I've learned to make potatoes, eggs, okra, beans, rice (in a rice cooker), and to heat up everything else I may need from handy dandy tupperware containers of frozen food my mother will be packing up. Here's proof:
3. Watch Lots of TV - "But, um..." does it count if you just watched seasons upon seasons of old TV shows on your computer? YES. A whole bunch of hindi dramas? Check. 3 seasons of The Big Bang Theory? Affirmative. 5 Seasons of How I Met Your Mother? Been there done that. 4 seasons of Psych? I've heard it all kinds of ways, but mainly just as... DONE. I have watched countless movies, music videos, youtube shorts, and through it all realized my undying love for all things Neil Patrick Harris and SHINee.

A summer well spent, indeed.

Can We Pretend?

And here we go again. What exactly is it with me and blogging during the summer? No matter how much I promise myself that I am going to make a greater effort to blog during the school year, it never ever happens. I know blogging is therapeutic. I know sharing my feelings and troubles with the entirety of the internet makes everything just a little easier. But the ever present laziness kicks in and all I do is come up with long elaborate posts in my head. Where they stay. BUT NO MORE! Summer is upon us and it is time I finally started doing some of the things that I always plan to. Like getting a job, learning to cook, watching tons of TV, and being nice to my mother.

So, as something to kick off with, feelings that I thought I had gotten over a long time ago have resurfaced in a horrendously ugly way. It's the stupid "Law of Liking" stuff David was talking about. Almost every single summer, I get sucked into the blues after being thousands of miles apart from people. I don't see them, I don't talk to them, they don't talk to me. And BOOM. The end of Devi. First, I get sad. Sad that no one cares that I'm not there. Sad that no one says anything. Sad that people are very active on other people's facebooks even when they aren't near them, but are not active on my facebook. I was gone for an entire week, stuck at home with no internet. Nothing from anybody.

Am I invisible? Is it kind of like "out of sight, out of mind"? Because wouldn't that just make me feel like the shittiest person alive. Are the only people that actually care about me my family? And of course, at this point, I just start feeling like I don't even want to go back. Like what fucking different would it make if I just stayed right where I am, thousands of miles away and never talked to any of these people again? No fucking difference. I seriously wonder if I made the wrong choice, in deciding to go to Georgia Tech. Where has it honestly gotten me? Abso-fucking-lutely nowhere. Do I have a job? No. Do I actually have friends? Probably. Do I have massive sleep deprivation? Fuck yes.

Eventually, I know I'll stop feeling that way. Sadly, that day is not today.

I have also had a revelation very recently. I'm so not over him yet. Isn't that retarded? I was so over everything when we actually broke up. But I'm not actually over it yet. Like, I know that I don't like him like that anymore. And I know that not going out is definitely the right thing to do. But after such a long time of having that relationship there, it's really weird to not anymore. And it's really weird to see other people talking. I always make this mistake. I always date the guys that tend to have all female friends, so that it is nearly impossible to ever tell if they have fully moved on, or if perhaps it is only a friendship level of conversing going on.

But then, I feel like a total douchebag. Why should I even care whether or not he moves on? I shouldn't even be thinking about him at all. I should be concentrating on letting everything go myself. It was this exact way last year too. It's probably always going to be this way. Super duper hard.